Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize