and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
