ya dads aren't the best wingmen
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
