I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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