I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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