I just pynch a tree in the face
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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