I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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