I heard we made out
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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