I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
