I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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