a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
