Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
