Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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