I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
