let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize