You're so nebulous sometimes
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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