You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
