its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
