Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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