I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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