how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
