you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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