i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
