I puked a lego.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
