so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
