Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
