My friends, they love my intelligence
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
