Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
