I smell stomach acid.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
