To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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