i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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