I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
