the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
