Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize