can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
