I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Randomize