Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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