I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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