i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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