WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
