My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
