Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize