there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
