I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
