Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
