afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
