After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
