Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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