I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
