this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
