Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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