an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
