At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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