OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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