totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize