we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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