he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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