Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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