Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
