I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
