i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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