i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
