Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
